Lucky Ass, the star prognosticator of NHL bets, found himself in a familiar position: studying the curves of a big ass. This time, it was the magnificent behind of Alexis Texas, one of the most famous big ass porn stars of all time. As he gazed upon her round, jiggly cheeks, Lucky Ass slipped into a trance-like state, his mind racing with potential connections between the contours of her derriere and the ebbs and flows of the NHL season. Little did he know that this particular moment of clarity would lead him to make the most daring prediction of his career.
The stage was set at the South Point Casino in Las Vegas, home of the greatest comedy sports show this side of the Strip: Punch Lines. As the crowd filed in, eagerly anticipating another night of laughs and sports analysis, Lucky Ass paced back and forth, his heart racing and his mind awhirl with the possibilities. The San Jose Sharks were set to face off against the Arizona Coyotes, and something didn’t sit right with Lucky Ass. Despite the Sharks’ red-hot streak and the Coyotes’ icy cold slump, the oddsmakers had somehow made the Sharks the underdogs. It didn’t make sense.
And then it hit him: the total goals for the game was set at 6.5. As he continued to stare at Alexis Texas’s ass, the connections between her curves and the NHL season began to crystallize in his mind. He knew, deep down, that the total had gone over in nine out of San Jose’s last eleven games when playing on the road against Arizona. With this realization, Lucky Ass knew what he had to do.
Taking a deep breath, he marched confidently up to the Punch Lines Show’s announcer and demanded the microphone. The crowd, sensing that something big was about to happen, fell silent. “Ladies and gentlemen,” Lucky Ass began, his voice booming across the casino, “I’ve studied Alexis Texas’s ass, I’ve crunched the numbers, and I’ve seen the signs. Tonight, the San Jose Sharks face off against the Arizona Coyotes, and I am here to make the boldest prediction of my career.” The crowd leaned in, their collective breath held. “I am curious as to why the Sharks aren’t favored tonight,” he continued, “because they are red hot and the Coyotes are ice cold.”
The crowd erupted into cheers as Lucky Ass paused for effect. “And so, my friends, I urge you all to put your money on San Jose Sharks to win tonight!”
The announcer nodded solemnly, and the crowd, whipped into a frenzy by Lucky Ass’s passionate speech, began shouting and stomping their feet in agreement. As Lucky Ass stepped back, a sense of awe and respect filled the air. He had done it again: made the unpredictable prediction, defied the oddsmakers, and won the hearts of sports fans everywhere. And all because he’d been studying the curves of Alexis Texas’s ass.