Lucky Ass was in his element. The South Point Casino in Las Vegas was abuzz with excitement as he prepared to make his announcement for the Punch Lines Show, the greatest comedy sports show this side of the Las Vegas Strip. His eyes were fixated on the precision of a perfect round bubble butt, studying it with the same intensity as a Nostradamus might have studied the stars. No, not just any butt; the butt of Naomi Russell, the porn star with the curves that could make a basketball jealous. Lucky Ass was using her ass as a guide to prognosticate his NHL winning bets, and tonight’s matchup between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Montreal Canadiens was shaping up to be a doozy.
He took a deep breath, trying to steady his racing heart as he scanned the crowd. The lights were low, the anticipation thick. It was time. With a voice that carried like a shot of tequila, he announced to the world that the total had gone under in 7 of Pittsburgh’s last 7 games on the road. The room erupted in applause and cheers, but Lucky Ass was not done yet. He paused dramatically, letting the tension build.
“But that’s not all, folks!” he continued, his voice growing stronger. “I’ve studied the bubble butts, and I’ve seen something that tells me we’re in for a low-scoring game tonight. The total of 6.5 goals is really high, don’t you think?” The crowd murmured in agreement, nodding their heads. “Well, let me tell you something. Montreal has only scored 3 goals in its last two games!”
There was a collective gasp as the weight of his words sunk in. The bettors in the crowd began to whisper among themselves, exchanging nervous glances. Lucky Ass saw his opportunity and seized it. “So, with all this in mind, I am here to announce my bet for the night: Pittsburgh Penguins versus Montreal Canadiens to go under the total of 6.5 goals!”
He paused, letting the tension build once more. “And don’t forget about that New Jersey Devils statistic. Pittsburgh is 8-0-1 in its last 9 games when playing them! That’s some serious dominance. So, I’m thinking we should throw some extra money on the line and bet on the Bruins to win. Not just any bet, mind you, but at +105 odds!”
The crowd erupted in cheers and applause, drowning out the blaring music of the casino. They hung on Lucky Ass’s every word, enraptured by his charm and charisma. Even the most skeptical of gamblers couldn’t help but feel a twinge of excitement as they considered his advice. As he finished his announcement, he turned to Naomi Russell, giving her a wink and a nod of appreciation. She smiled back at him, her perfect bubble butt still shaking to the beat of the music.